Punk’s not dead – though you did try to kill it. The 2013 Met Gala

I’m in a silly, judgy mood tonight. Therefore, I shall resort to silly, judgy things like judging celebrities.

First up… Sarah Jessica Parker. Just, she’s trying so hard that it’s kinda exhausting to look at. From the (admittedly pretty fun) mohawk-inspired Philip Treacy headdress to the very busy, heavy dress (she really does favour the tapestry, does old SJP) right past her lacy knickers (yeah, we can see ’em) and those tartan LV boots. Well. I need to go lie down somewhere.

sjpdailymail

Don’t tell anyone, but I really like (most) of Sienna Miller’s jacket. Look, the studs on the sleeves are a bit much. But it’s pretty hot. In a don’t-fuck-with-me-or-I’ll-cut-you-bitch kinda way.

"PUNK: Chaos To Couture" Costume Institute Gala

Speaking of don’t-fuck-with-me-or-I’ll-cut-you couture, Madonna. Just, actually. She’s becoming a bit of a parody of herself, really. But, my god, I wish I had her confidence. And her shoes.

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Look, Stella McCartney tea cosy aside (although secretly I kinda like it), Kristen Stewart looks fierce. Love her make-up. And her hair. And her figure. Please can I have her figure?

"PUNK: Chaos To Couture" Costume Institute Gala

BWAHAHAHAHAHA. Look, I know Kim Kardashian is pregnant. I’m not laughing at her because she’s pregnant. I’m laughing at her because she’s wearing somebody’s fucking dining room curtains… And cut out gloves to match.

"PUNK: Chaos To Couture" Costume Institute Gala

Speaking of people starting to look like parodies of themselves… I’m pretty sure this crown was on the cover of one of Katy Perry’s albums. It’s just… she’s trying so hard. Still, I’d love to go on a night on the town with her. She’s probably a blast. I mean, she’s wearing a crown.

"PUNK: Chaos To Couture" Costume Institute Gala

After some AMAZING looks for a couple Great Gatsby events, Florence McFrumpypants has returned. Last year she wore an Alexander McQueen (I think it was) lampshade. This year, it’s bag lady chic. It’s okay, Florence. I still love you.

"PUNK: Chaos To Couture" Costume Institute Gala

Phwoar. Emma Watson is ridiculously, ridiculously sexy in this gown. Her stomach? I mean, I’d go gay for this girl. (Heck, I’m halfway there already).

"PUNK: Chaos To Couture" Costume Institute Gala

Feathers. Sequins. Sheer lace. Sideboob. Anne Hathaway is exhaustingly edgy in this Valentino. And yet, still looks pretty amazing. And I’m digging on her peroxided hair here.

"PUNK: Chaos To Couture" Costume Institute Gala

Oh, Ashley Greene! You have one of the most rocking bodies in the universe, and you wore a couch you acquired from Marchesa? For shame, Ashley. For shame.

"PUNK: Chaos To Couture" Costume Institute Gala

No, Beyonce. Just no. What the actual fuck are those boots? (I think someone watched Hunger Games recently, actually. This screams “Girl on Fire”)

"PUNK: Chaos To Couture" Costume Institute Gala

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No, Rob. The beard must go.

Look, I’ll admit to being one of the – oh, half a billion – females on the planet that think that Robert Pattinson can be bloody sexy if he wants to be. (And when he’s not in Twilight. I’m sorry, he’s just too pale – and that’s a lot coming from me, seeing as I prefer pale guys.)

But the beard has come back – after about a year of being relatively fuzz-free, it looks like Rob’s been popping fertilisers in his spare time. In a tweet this evening I described him as a “wannabe-wookie” or a “drunken lumberjack”. (Pics taken on 21 October at LAX).

He looks like something out of Star Wars. The Prequels. Tell me I’m wrong.

The Devil Wears Woolworths*

*Well, no. But I’m a fashion-blogging virgin and wanted something spunky. The Devil wears Prada. And I love Woolies. Truly, I do. Okay, I’m going to stop rambling now.

This is only going here ’cause I don’t have anywhere to put it. Plus it means that I get to create a “Fashion” category. Plus it was also my first ever real-life ramp show. (No, sorry old school friends trying to relive your glory days – the ones at school don’t count).

Anyway, Woolworths SA have done a massive relaunch of two of their major lines – Studio W and Re: – and our Lifestyle Ed tagged me into going. It was all very wonderful, spotted some of South Africa’s self-proclaimed fashionistas (included in the off-ramp fashion was an actual fascinator, far-too-many bad printed jumpsuits and heels to make me weep) and Top Billing‘s Jeannie D was the MC. Our Lifestyle Ed was beside herself with joy – she’s got a massive “girl-crush”, she says.

We were also subjected to the world’s longest, most badly rehearsed version of I Love Rock & Roll – Joan Jett would be ashamed. Thankfully, there was more than enough sparkling wine to go around and we did our best to relieve them of the burden of carrying around trays full of glasses. It was, of course, our civic duty.

Anyway… Some pictures below. Snapped off the rather bad camera on my phone. My next contract upgrade, I’m getting a decent camera. That is all. I was in love with their Re: line – super sexy, very funky and very rock ‘n roll.