I’m in a silly, judgy mood tonight. Therefore, I shall resort to silly, judgy things like judging celebrities.
First up… Sarah Jessica Parker. Just, she’s trying so hard that it’s kinda exhausting to look at. From the (admittedly pretty fun) mohawk-inspired Philip Treacy headdress to the very busy, heavy dress (she really does favour the tapestry, does old SJP) right past her lacy knickers (yeah, we can see ’em) and those tartan LV boots. Well. I need to go lie down somewhere.
Don’t tell anyone, but I really like (most) of Sienna Miller’s jacket. Look, the studs on the sleeves are a bit much. But it’s pretty hot. In a don’t-fuck-with-me-or-I’ll-cut-you-bitch kinda way.
Speaking of don’t-fuck-with-me-or-I’ll-cut-you couture, Madonna. Just, actually. She’s becoming a bit of a parody of herself, really. But, my god, I wish I had her confidence. And her shoes.
Look, Stella McCartney tea cosy aside (although secretly I kinda like it), Kristen Stewart looks fierce. Love her make-up. And her hair. And her figure. Please can I have her figure?
BWAHAHAHAHAHA. Look, I know Kim Kardashian is pregnant. I’m not laughing at her because she’s pregnant. I’m laughing at her because she’s wearing somebody’s fucking dining room curtains… And cut out gloves to match.
Speaking of people starting to look like parodies of themselves… I’m pretty sure this crown was on the cover of one of Katy Perry’s albums. It’s just… she’s trying so hard. Still, I’d love to go on a night on the town with her. She’s probably a blast. I mean, she’s wearing a crown.
After some AMAZING looks for a couple Great Gatsby events, Florence McFrumpypants has returned. Last year she wore an Alexander McQueen (I think it was) lampshade. This year, it’s bag lady chic. It’s okay, Florence. I still love you.
Phwoar. Emma Watson is ridiculously, ridiculously sexy in this gown. Her stomach? I mean, I’d go gay for this girl. (Heck, I’m halfway there already).
Feathers. Sequins. Sheer lace. Sideboob. Anne Hathaway is exhaustingly edgy in this Valentino. And yet, still looks pretty amazing. And I’m digging on her peroxided hair here.
Oh, Ashley Greene! You have one of the most rocking bodies in the universe, and you wore a couch you acquired from Marchesa? For shame, Ashley. For shame.
No, Beyonce. Just no. What the actual fuck are those boots? (I think someone watched Hunger Games recently, actually. This screams “Girl on Fire”)