I’m just going to lay it out there.
If Kim Kardashian doesn’t get married soon, I’m likely to throw myself off the balcony at work. And, considering we work on the sixth floor, I may die. And it will all be Kim’s fault.
Seriously – I read and write about celebrity gossip for a living, so I’m pretty tolerant of all the associated bullshit. But her wedding to Kris Humphries has just about pushed me over the edge.
For weeks and weeks – since the engagement with the rose petals and the surprising-her-upstairs-in-her-bedroom with the $2-million engagement ring – all the little pumpkin has been able to talk about is her wedding, which is currently scheduled for 20 August. I say “currently”, because if a blonde poppie can dump Hugh Hefner’s ass, anything is possible.
Like the fact that her wedding dress is being designed by “close family friend” Vera Wang. That she’s going to have a 10-tier cake that’s meant to resemble the cake at Prince William’s wedding to Kate Middleton. That she’s going to wear her hair up (seriously, people were voting on this point). That she’s launched an exclusive bottle of perfume to celebrate her wedding (it’s called “Love” and you could own one of the 799 bottles for just $100!!). That her mom’s had a face-lift in preparation for the big day. Ooh, also – fans can help Kim choose her wedding song!
Most nauseatingly – that she’s convinced her wedding will be bigger and better than the royal wedding. According to pals, of course – with one person claiming, “Kim is planning the wedding of the century. She doesn’t see why a royal wedding should get more attention that hers. She sees herself as a bigger celebrity than Kate Middleton.”
Seriously, what fucked up world do we live in that a reality star’s wedding to a sportsman is likely to be “the wedding of the century”?
More ranting after the jump…
Kim’s not exactly discouraging the comparisons – and why would she? She’s created a media hype around this wedding that has celeb gossip sites and fans in an absolute frenzy. She’s not stupid, is Kim – although she plays the card really, really well – and if there’s one thing that she is amazing at, it’s marketing herself. How else do you think a woman who got famous for releasing a sex tape became the mega-star she is today?
But I need to be cynical for a minute here. She’s falling into the classic bridal trap, isn’t she? All of her energy is seemingly focused on creating the perfect wedding – has she even spared a thought for creating the perfect marriage? She’d been dating Kris Humphries for all of six months before he popped the question… and since then they’ve thrown themselves head first into planning a wedding. It doesn’t bode well, does it? Sure, Kris might be the one – but it’s Hollywood, and even stars that have been way more cautious about getting married wind up in divorce courts more often than not.
Sure, let Kim have her “dream wedding”… Let’s just hope it doesn’t turn into a nightmare marriage. I don’t think it could be remotely easy being married into the Kardashian clan.
I reckon I’ll be back in a couple years with the divorce story. Am I allowed an “I told you so” if we get there?