Crystal vs. Hefner – It gets messier

Wow, everybody loves a messy break-up.

Okay, sure – not the people involved – but when a 25-year-old blonde poppie leaves Hugh Hefner at the altar, well… What’s not to love?

Hugh Hefner and Crystal Harris

Hugh Hefner and Crystal Harris.

Said Barbie doll has, of course, tried her damnedest to squeak out every last bit of fame she could from this split – and just as people were starting to tire of the drama, well, then there was the now-famous Howard Stern interview.

In the interview, Crystal Harris says that she was never “turned on” by Hef (well, there’s a shocker) and in their entire courtship and engagement, she reckons they only had sex once, for “like two seconds” and that she had never seen him naked. She claimed that he preferred to cuddle with his girlfriends and watch movies instead of having any sex.

Well, you know, none of that should be particularly surprising. Seeing as, well, he is an 85-year-old man. And I’m sure he truly would rather just be napping quietly somewhere as opposed to having sex with various arbitrary blonde clones. Let’s be honest, sex is a lot of effort – and I’m not saying that it’s a bad thing, of course – but it makes sense that Hef might rather be playing backgammon or something instead of trying out page 83 of the latest edition of Cosmo.

But the Playboy mogul wasn’t going to have any of that, and took to Twitter to slam comments made by the increasingly insane-sounding Ms Harris. “Crystal did a crazy interview with Howard Stern today that didn’t have much to do with reality. Is she trying to impress a new boyfriend?” People quoted him as tweeting. (The posts were later deleted)

“The sex with Crystal the first night was good enough so that I kept her over two more nights”, he continued.

“Crystal lied about our relationship on Howard Stern but I don’t know why,” he posted.

I got a lot of “Well, who the fuck cares?” comments from readers on this topic. Fair enough, it’s somebody’s sex life. But I’ll tell you who cares… Playboy cares.

See, the Playboy brand still largely rides on Hefner’s legend. He is the ultimate brand ambassador. It’s every guy’s (sometimes secret) desire to be Hefner – in his 80s, with hot blonde girls falling all over themselves to get in there with him. He needs to sell sex. He needs to sell the idea that the Playboy brand is about living life to the fullest – and being able to get what you want, when you want it. He needs to exude youth and exuberance and a joie de vivre. He needs to remain a men’s icon – and not fade into obscurity in a tatty pair of slippers and a flannel bathrobe, content just to – *gasp* – cuddle the girls instead of taking them to bed.

And so, with Crystal insisting that he might not be the sexually vivacious man Playboy needs him to be, he’s had to go on a PR offensive. And with the backing of such a massive company, it seems he’s winning. Seeing as Crystal rapidly backtracked, tweeting, “The Stern interview scared me, he’s harsh. I was unprepared and blurted out things I shouldn’t have said, I’m sorry.”

Seems as though she’s still not taking back her comments. But, with her fame rapidly waning and another season of Girls Next Door to promote, she’s had to remember where her bread is buttered.

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