Charlie Sheen’s most insane quotes…

I originally posted this on iafrica.com, but it’s truly worth the re-post here.

On himself:

“I’m tired of pretending I’m not special. I’m tired of pretending I’m not a total bitchin’ rock star from Mars. People can’t figure me out. They can’t process me. I don’t expect them to. You can’t process me with a normal brain.”

“I’m bi-winning. I win here and I win there. Now what? If I’m bipolar, aren’t there moments where a guy like crashes in the corner like, ‘Oh my God, it’s all my mom’s fault!’ Shut up! Shut up! Stop! Move forward.”

“I’m sorry, man, but I’ve got magic. I’ve got poetry in my fingertips. Most of the time — and this includes naps — I’m an F-18, bro. And I will destroy you in the air. I will deploy my ordinance to the ground.”

“You borrow my brain for five seconds and just be like dude, can’t handle it, unplug this bastard. It fires in a way that is, I don’t know, maybe not from this terrestrial realm. When you’ve got tiger blood and Adonis DNA, it’s like, get with the program, dude.”

“The nights I don’t sleep it’s because there’s a higher calling telling me to stand guard.”

More after the jump, or click here to read the full original article

What is “tiger blood”?

“It’s a metaphor for having absolute rocket fuel in my veins. When it comes to getting focused and delivering things in a way…”

On drugs and addiction:

“The last time I took drugs I probably took more that anyone could survive. I was banging seven gram rocks because that’s how I roll, I have one speed, go. I have a different constitution, a different brain, a different heart. I got tiger blood man.”

“What’s not to love? Especially when you see how I party, it was epic. The run I was on made Sinatra, Flynn, Jagger, Richards and all of them look like droopy-eyed armless children.”

“I am on a drug. It’s called Charlie Sheen. It’s not available because if you try it once your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body.”

Responding to his father Martin Sheen’s comments that Charlie’s addiction was like “cancer”: “Jeez, dad – shut it … OK, pop, walk through a cancer ward right now and find any of those motherf***ers who look like me. Sounds poetic but it’s rooted in bollocks”

On rehab and relapsing:

On ‘rehab’ in his home: “Well, we couldn’t really call it rehab because we didn’t have a license to operate one, so it was a crisis management centre that we labelled the Sober Valley Lodge. … its primary client achieved radical success.”

“No. Not going to. Period. The end. I blinked and I cured my brain. Can’t is the cancer of happen.”

“I closed my eyes and made it so with the power of my mind, and unlearned 22 years of fiction … the fiction of AA. It’s a silly book written by a broken-down fool.”

On losing custody of his twin sons with estranged wife Brooke Mueller:

“Tiger blood will drip from my veins in my quest. Defeat is not an option. She is an absolute traitor and she must be banished. She will be living under a bridge, toothless and confused.

“It was just a cheap ploy by a cheap person … retarded, frickin’ gibberish. It’s Brooke up to her old predictable, transparent lunacy.

“You come into my house and take my children away … there’s a storm coming – and it’s me.”

On his feud with Two and a Half Men creator Chuck Lorre:

“I embarrassed him in front of his children and the world, by healing at a pace that his unevolved mind cannot process.”

“I fire back once and this contaminated little maggot can’t handle my power and can’t handle the truth. I wish him nothing but pain in his silly travels, especially if they wind up in my octagon. Clearly, I have defeated this earthworm with my words — imagine what I would have done with my fire-breathing fists.”

You can follow Charlie Sheen on Twitter here. Or you can follow @iafricaNtertain on Twitter or join the site’s Facebook page – which would probably be better for your mental state, anyway.

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